!@#$%

I feel so emo now. wtf? That's not me. At least I don't think so. But seriously. I should be a lesbian. then I wouldn't have to deal with men. Problem is I like them so much. This silly little girl wants to find someone who doesn't make her feel like a silly little girl. That's all. I want to do things with my life, but feel trapped by my loneliness. I'm having a hard time focusing. I need to work on revamping my resume and making a good couple cover letters. It really shouldn't be that hard. But I can't even get myself to sit down and try. I've even got my kid with his grandparents today so I can try. i think i need to leave my apartment and try. take the book and notepad...im not sure about my computer. I'm thinking it can stay here because it'll be too much of a distraction....and we all know how easily i am distracted.

I even did this before over a guy. freshman year of college i met a guy right at the end of school and i couldn't focus on school at all and did terrible. didn't write a final paper for english and failed and did not study for exams. I couldn't focus and spent all my time talking to him. in this case...i spend all my time talking to no one but still unable to focus my thoughts.

im thinking breakfast somewhere with my stuff....i just hate going solo. i really do. but that seems to be my constant curse. hating to be alone, but doomed to always be alone. funny how that works. either God has a sense of humor or he fucking hates me....or he's just fucking with me. you know whichever. he obviously does not care that much.