a quiet monday

work's been pretty quiet this morning. It's given me time to think about stuff...but it's all so complicated. I've realized that i don't think i started this relationship off right...well whatever it is. but at least I've gotten to the point where i don't really care and if nothing else ill have fun with him until he leaves for iraq or decides im to crazy.

he was on vacation this weekend....and i was totally surprised he texted me a couple times. That's a good sign right?? anyway I got annoying and unwanted relationship advice from a girl I was road tripping with to the ocean (for a friends bridal shower). she told me that obviously he wasn't into me because he waited 9 days to call. she said he obviously had 8 other chics to call. he said he didn't call me earlier because he was super busy at work. I dont' start off thinking guys are lying to me....so whats up with that??? I think yeah I'm definitely not his top priority at the moment (but thats part of my evil plan) but I definitely don't think hes out fucking up 8 other girls. I just don't think that's him. I mean call me crazy, but I have spent time with him and talked to him quite a bit...he's just a nice guy who likes his job and lives hella far away from it. plus he's a teacher and has had people graduating from his program....i dont know. I'm inclined to believe him not her...becuase why not? I trust him and if this doesn't work out....I guess it's not that bad...

All I know is that he's a really special guy. I could easily fall in love with him. For now I'm holding back and biding my time....it could be up to 2 years for something to really happen with him, since he's going to Iraq and all. I'm just taking the pressure off and making it about fun, sex and hanging out. I want to keep in touch with him when hes gone and send packages. I think that if anything happens between us that will be where we would build a friendship relationship to make it a good relationship when he gets home. anyway...bye for now

xo
ol

I think I may have stopped obsessing?!

That's unusual. After Wed, I didn't expect to hear from him and I guess I kinda let it go. Thennnn on Thursday I got a text from him at the end of work. We ended up texting a lot throughout the evening....and then we talked on the phone. He had gone out to the bar with his friend and was a bit drunk....it was kinda fun...anyway we talked on the phone for a while and after I took a shower...well I stayed sans clothing and was telling him all about it. of course for at least an hour he said that he'd really like to but he can't get a DUI...he said he'd get pulled over for sure if he was out. Finally....around midnight he did come over. It was amazing. no more shyness...well a lot less. anyway....he left at 2:30 am....he were looking at my cosmo together. He says it has to be written by a gay guy. lol. we were looking at the article of his 7 g-spots. I was reading them to him and he would tell me if it's true or a load of crap....really quite entertaining.

oh and before that we were just kinda laying on my bed and i was just gazing at him. He has the cutest smile lines! i know that's kinda weird..but it's true. I was having some fun tickling him as well...that was pretty cute. He's so cute!!!

So later stuff...we texted a bit friday night....basically just a couple texts. I went shopping for something a little more sexy. He's on a mountain biking trip with a friend...and he texted me once or twice last night....which surprised me because, hello he's on vacay with his friend. anyway, his texts were pleasant surprises.

I'm keepin my fingers crossed....and hopefully I'll see him tonight or tomorrow night....
xo
ol

today

well I'm still here by myself. dont have a fucking bit of hope that he still likes me....i probably scared him away. anyway im depressed and lonely. i basically want to die. ok bye now
xo
ol

still waiting

I'm still waiting. I sent him another text....nothing. It's almost 8:00. Does this mean I'm not gonna hear from him?? He told me that if he wasn't interested he'd tell me. and last night he said we could talk/hang out tonight. What's happened since then??? i'm worried and stressing out here. I can't really do anything except obsess. I want him here now. i want to hear from him. I want him to show up at my door. I wish he would just show up. that would be so hot.
xo
ol

I haven't talked to him yet today

and it's driving me crazy. I've been easily irritable at my son (he was home sick today) and i was moping and looking at my phone every 5 seconds. I have kept my texts to him at a very minimum today I think I only sent him 2 possibly 3 all day. He told me he gets off work at two. it's 5:45 now. He works far away and i know if he doessn't drive he has to wait around til everyone else gets off work at 5 and then he heads home. He also can't bring his phone into work, so this means I basically don't hear from him all day. It scares me at this early point in our relationship. I don't know him well enough to know everythings ok, you know?? I bet he has a work email address or even phone that he could call me from and take like 5 seconds...but of course we're not even together yet...so why would he..but not hearing from him all day seriously kills me. He's supposed to come over tonight when he gets home. I keep watching out my window hoping he'll just pop in and surprise me. He won't of course because of the lack of relationship and not knowing each other all that well. I'm basically pulling out my hair and going crazy. I'm agitated and fidgety.

What to do. If he's taking the rideshare home...he won't be home for like another half hour to hour....and then even if he calls me right away it's still a long time away. i hope he comes sooner rather than later! I might have a nervous breakdown if he takes too long. I mean, seriously. What's wrong with me. The first night we talked and messed around and had an awesome time which we both expressed to each other. I hope he hasnt picked up on that I'm basically obsessed with him at this point. It wouldn't be so bad if we were actually an item...but of course not yet. I just want to get to know him and spend as much time with him as I can before he ships out! I know what I want and he is sooo fitting the bill. i know all this but of course if he finds out any of this i'm screwed and I'll be single for sure.... okay...wish me luck tonight. If i'm lucky he'll stay overnight...if he stays I'll fill you in tomorrow night. If he leaves I'll fill you in later tonight. i'm outtie

xo
ol

The day after the first date

Well, last night was our first date. It was almost perfect. He was perfect and I'm so ready to fall in love with him now. This morning when I walked into work I couldn't stop smiling. As the day wore on my lack of sleep caught up with me as I was hanging on to my last threads of sanity. He can't take his phone into work with him and since it's high security, it takes a long time to go in and out of the facility. He doesn't see his phone all day. Meaning, I don't hear from him all day. Of course, we've only had one date, but i know he's the one for me. Do you ever just get that feeling?? I keep looking at his picture and going "oh my God, he's so fucking hot! I am so lucky he likes me!"

It started over a week ago. On the night of my college graduation I went out to a bar downtown to celebrate with a friend. I saw him there and we kept looking back and forth at each other for some time. Eventually he got in line for a drink and I new that was the perfect opportunity to go and talk to him. So I did....and I found out that not only was he super cute, he was really nice and in the field I want to be when I get a decent job. After he got his drink he walked off, I didn't think he liked me. Later I wrote my name and number on a napkin (I forgot to ask his name!!) and with a lot of nudging from my friend I walked up to him and handed him a folded napkin with my number inside. I was super embarrassed and didn't think he like me at all. Turned out I was lucky and he did like me...he actually likes curvy women. yay.

So back to the story. I get obsessive when I really like a guy...and especially when I can't talk to him all day cuz he doesn't have any access to his phone...I was going crazy sent him like 6 or 7 texts...then more after he got off work and even after he told me he was busy...then I believe he got annoyed with me and then I was scared he wasn't going to like me anymore. Thankfully not....but then I went to a training for my new business and near the end I get 4 text messages from him saying that he's being shipped to iraq in about 3 weeks and he'd like to hang out with me throughout that time but will understand if I don't want to see him anymore. He also sent one saying he wasn't trying to be mean (about earlier when I thought he was super annoyed with me).

Soooo I really wanted to talk to him about this stuff tonight in person....but he wakes up super early for work and I kept him up really super late last night and he was exhausted today....at 9 o clock he was exhausted and still hadn't eaten dinner so I took pity on the poor guy and left him alone. meanwhile. I'm going crazy. I can't sleep and I have to stay home from work tomorrow bc my 2 year old has a fever. I have to wait all night and then all day tomorrow until he's off work to talk to him about how long he's supposed to be there, what he wants from me in the meantime and what he's really looking for. I would like nothing better than to spend as much time as possible with him right up until he leaves. I want to be his girl. I'm already obsessed and falling for him. This is after 1 day! I want to be there for him and support him when he goes. I want to be the girlfriend that writes every day and sends care packages of little things he likes every week. I want to do that for him..but it's wierd because we've only been on one date. I feel like if I tell him all this tomorrow....he'll be really weirded out. How can I show how I feel without scaring him??

He really is the best guy I've ever met. He's tall, wiry (not skinny), wears cute glasses, is incredibly sexy and he opens doors and came to pick me up for our date yesterday....even though he lived a lot closer to the restaurant than me...he wasted gas to pick me up and all...he's only 5 years older than me....lot better than before. He likes me and thinks I'm sexy. He has beautiful blue eyes, a smattering of tattoos. He's such a dream guy really...he has a real adult job and his own place. He has cats and really likes them. He's close with his mother. He is gorgeous, he's smart, he's funny and cute....I love everything about him. And of course, if he saw this blog he'd be gone in a second....so everyone be quiet okay?? I'll keep you posted as long as you don't tell him....

Wish me luck talking to him tomorrow.

PS am i pathetic or what...everytime I hear someone on the walkway outside I hope it's him coming over and surprising me by being here. I would love it...but I know it's not going to happen since he's so tired. I want him and need him....he's a good kisser too...soo sexy! ok I'm done...more news tomorrow tho!